Indoda ithi: “Xa sasitshata, mna nenkosikazi yam sasineembono ezahlukeneyo ngokuba kuthetha ukuthini ukuhloniphana. Ayikho eyayichanile neyayingachananga—qha zazohlukile. Ndandidla ngokuvakalelwa kukuba umfazi wam wayenokuthetha nam ngentlonipho kunendlela enza ngayo.”

Umfazi uthi: “Kwindawo endakhulela kuyo, ukuthethela phezulu, ukuba nezimbo zobuso ezibaxiweyo, ukuqhawula umntu ethetha kwakuyinto eqhelekileyo. Sasingakujongi njengento ebonisa ukungahloniphi. Kodwa kwakohluke mpela kwindlela awayekhuliswe ngayo umyeni wam.”

Intlonipho emtshatweni asinto ifanele ibekho ngamaxesha athile, kodwa ifanele ibekho ngawo onke amaxesha. Ungamhlonipha njani umntu otshate naye?

Amadoda afuna ukuhlonitshwa. IBhayibhile ithi kumadoda: “Ngamnye wenu makamthande umfazi wakhe njengoko ezithanda.” Yongeza ithi: “Umfazi, makabe nentlonelo enzulu ngendoda yakhe.” (Efese 5:33) Ngoxa indoda nomfazi bemele bathandane kwaye bahloniphane, amadoda wona ngokukhethekileyo afuna ukuhlonitshwa. “Amadoda afuna ukuziva ukuba anako ukumelana neemeko ezinzima, ukuza nezicombululo nokunyamekela iintsapho zawo,” itsho njalo indoda enguCarlos. * Xa umfazi eyihlonipha indoda yakhe kuba ikwazi ukwenza izinto ezinjalo, unceda kungekuphela indoda yakhe kodwa naye uyancedakala. “Umyeni wam uye andithande nangakumbi xa ebona ukuba ndiyamhlonipha.” Utsho njalo umfazi onguCorrine.

Abafazi nabo bayafuna ukuhlonitshwa. Iyavakala loo nto kuba indoda ayinakumthanda umfazi wayo ingamhloniphi. UDaniel uthi: “Kufuneka ndiluhlonele uluvo namacebiso omfazi wam. Kufuneka ndihloniphe nendlela avakalelwa ngayo. Ukungazi ukuba kutheni evakalelwa ngendlela ethile, akuthethi kuthi ndinokungayihoyi indlela avakalelwa ngayo.”

Intlonipho ichazwa ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo. Eyona nto ibalulekileyo ayikokuba wena ucinga ukuba uyamhlonipha, kodwa kukuba yena umntu otshate naye uziva ehlonitshwa na. Esi sisifundo esafundwa ngumfazi ekuthethwe ngaye ekuqaleni kweli nqaku. “Nangona ndandingaziboni ukuba andimhloniphi, kodwa ndandimenza avakalelwe njalo, ngoko kwafuneka ibe ndim otshintshayo.”

• Bhala phantsi izinto ezintathu ozithandayo ngomfazi okanye indoda yakho. Unokuqalisa ukumhlonipha kwezi zinto zintathu uzithandayo.

• Iveki nje ibe nye, khawuzihlole wena ukuba uqhuba njani (kungekhona umntu otshate naye) kwezi nkalo zilandelayo.

Indlela othetha ngayo. Olunye uphando olwenziwe kubantu abatshatileyo lubonisa ukuba “abantu abatshatileyo abonwabileyo nabazinzileyo emitshatweni yabo baye bakhethe ukuthetha ngezinto ezininzi ezivuyisayo kunezibuhlungu xa bengavisisani. Kwelinye icala, izibini ezisecicini lokwahlukana zithetha ezibuhlungu kunezivuyisayo.” *—Umgaqo weBhayibhile: IMizekeliso 12:18.

Zibuze: ‘Ngaba ndithetha ngentlonipho nomntu enditshate naye? Ndithanda ukuncoma okanye ukugxeka? Ilizwi lam liba njani xa ndikhalaza?’ Ngaba umntu otshate naye uyavumelana nendlela oyiphendula ngayo le mibuzo?—Umgaqo weBhayibhile: Kolose 3:13.

Khawuzame eli cebiso: Zixelele ukuba ufuna ukuncoma umyeni okanye umfazi wakho noba kukanye ngemini. Icebiso: Cinga ngezinto ozithandayo ozibhalileyo. Ziqhelise ukuxelela umntu otshate naye ngezinto ozithandayo ngaye.—Umgaqo weBhayibhile: 1 Korinte 8:1.

Izinto ozenzayo. Umfazi ogama linguAlicia uthi: “Ndichitha ixesha elininzi ndisenza imisebenzi yasekhaya, yaye xa umyeni wam ehlonipha umsebenzi wam ngokuqoqosha izinto zakhe okanye ngokuhlamba izitya azisebenzisileyo, ndivakalelwa kukuba uyayixabisa into endiyenzayo kwaye ndibalulekile emtshatweni wethu.”

Zibuze: ‘Ngaba indlela endimphatha ngayo umyeni okanye umfazi wam ibonisa ukuba ndiyamhlonipha? Ngaba ndimnika ixesha elaneleyo kwaye ndiyamhoya?’ Ngaba umntu otshate naye uyavumelana neempendulo zakho?

Khawuzame eli cebiso: Bhala iindlela ezintathu obungathanda ukuhlonitshwa ngazo. Nomntu otshate naye makabhale ezakhe ezintathu. Emva koko omnye makanike omnye izinto azibhalileyo ukuze nisebenzele kuzo. Zijonge ukuba wena uyamhlonipha na. Xa kuqala omnye, kusenokwenzeka ukuba nomnye alandele.