ESE iyo abashakanye batonganye, biba bigaragaza ko batagikundana? Oya rwose. Fernando na Sarah bavuzwe haruguru barakundana cyane. Ndetse n’iyo umugabo n’umugore babana neza, rimwe na rimwe bajya bagirana amakimbirane.

Amakimbirane aterwa n’iki, kandi se wakora iki kugira ngo wirinde ko asenya urugo rwawe? Gusuzuma icyo Ijambo ry’Imana ari ryo Bibiliya rivuga ku birebana n’iyo ngingo bihuje n’ubwenge, kubera ko ishyingiranwa ari gahunda yashyizweho yatangijwe n’Imana.—Itangiriro 2:21, 22; 2 Timoteyo 3:16, 17.

Abenshi mu bashyingiranywe baba bashaka kugaragarizanya urukundo n’ineza. Ariko, Bibiliya yavuze yeruye ko “bose bakoze ibyaha, maze ba[ka]nanirwa kugera ku ikuzo ry’Imana” (Abaroma 3:23). Ku bw’ibyo, mu gihe hari ibyo mutumvikanaho, kwifata ntimutongane bishobora kugorana. Kandi iyo intonganya zitangiye, kurwanya ingeso mbi, urugero nko gukankama no gutukana, bishobora kugora bamwe (Abaroma 7:21; Abefeso 4:31). Ibindi bintu bishobora guteza umwuka mubi ni ibihe?

Akenshi, umugabo n’umugore bagira uburyo butandukanye bwo gushyikirana. Michiko yagize ati “jye n’umugabo wanjye tugishyingiranwa, nahise mbona ko dutandukanye cyane ku birebana n’uburyo bwo kuganira ku bibazo tuba dufite. Nkunda kugaragaza ikibazo cyavutse, impamvu yagiteye n’uko byagenze. Umugabo wanjye we, aba ashaka gusa ko mpita ngusha ku ngingo.”

Icyo kibazo cya Michiko kirasanzwe. Mu ngo nyinshi, umwe mu bashakanye ashobora kuba yifuza kuvuga icyo batumvikanaho mu buryo burambuye, mu gihe undi we aba adashaka intonganya ndetse akirinda ko bakivugaho. Rimwe na rimwe, uko umwe mu bashakanye agenda ashaka ko ikibazo cyavutse bakiganiraho, ni ko mugenzi we agenda agerageza kubyirinda. Ese mu rugo rwanyu ibyo bijya bibaho? Ese umwe muri mwe yumva buri gihe yavuga buri kantu kose, naho undi akumva adashaka kugira icyo avuga?

Ikindi kintu dukwiriye kumenya, ni uko umuryango umuntu yakuriyemo ushobora kugira  uruhare ku buryo abona ibirebana n’uko abashakanye bagombye gushyikirana. Justin umaze imyaka itanu ashatse, yagize ati “nakuriye mu muryango w’abantu badakunda kuvuga menshi kandi kuganira n’abandi bijya bingora. Ibyo bibabaza umugore wanjye kubera ko we yakuriye mu muryango w’abantu bakunda kuganira. Kandi kungezaho ibitekerezo bye nta kibazo bijya bimutera.”

Abahanga mu birebana n’ishyingiranwa babonye ko incuro umugabo n’umugore we babwirana ko bakundana, atari zo zigaragaza ko bazabana neza. Bagaragaje kandi ko kunezezanya mu birebana n’ibitsina hamwe no kugira amafaranga menshi, na byo atari iby’ingenzi cyane. Ahubwo, uko umugabo n’umugore bakemura ibibazo ibyo ari byo byose bivuka hagati yabo, ni byo bigaragaza neza ko bazagira icyo bageraho.

Nanone kandi, Yesu yavuze ko iyo umugabo n’umugore bamaze gushyingiranwa, atari umuntu uba abateranyirije hamwe; ahubwo ni Imana (Matayo 19:4-6). Ku bw’ibyo, ishyingiranwa ryiza ryubahisha Imana. Ku rundi ruhande, iyo umugabo adakunda umugore we kandi ntamwiteho, Yehova Imana ntiyumva amasengesho y’uwo mugabo (1 Petero 3:7). Iyo umugore atubaha umugabo we, mu by’ukuri aba asuzuguye Yehova wahaye umugabo inshingano yo kuba umutware w’umuryango.—1 Abakorinto 11:3.

Uko ubuhanga ufite mu gushyikirana bwaba bungana kose cyangwa umuryango uwo ari wo wose waba warakuriyemo, niba wifuza gushyira mu bikorwa amahame yo muri Bibiliya no gukemura amakimbirane neza, hari imvugo mbi ugomba kwirinda. Jya wibaza ibibazo bikurikira:

‘Ese ndwanya icyifuzo cyo gushaka kwihimura?’

Hari umugani urangwa n’ubwenge ugira uti “guhotora [“gukanda,” NW] izuru kuvusha amaraso, ni ko gutera uburakari kuzana intonganya” (Imigani 30:33). Ibyo bisobanura iki? Reka dufate urugero. Tuvuge ko umwe mu bashakanye abwiye mugenzi we ati “dukwiriye kureba uko twagabanya amadeni dufata.” Undi na we akamubwira ati “ukabije gusesagura.” Ibyatangiye ari ikiganiro kirebana no kumenya uko umutungo w’umuryango wacungwa neza, mu kanya gato bishobora guhindukamo gucyurirana. Koko rero, iyo uwo mwashakanye ‘akanze izuru ryawe’ binyuriye mu kugucyurira, nawe wumva ushaka “gukanda” irye umwihimuraho. Ariko kandi, kwihimura bituma umuntu agira uburakari kandi intonganya zikarushaho gukaza umurego.

Umwe mu banditsi ba Bibiliya witwa Yakobo, yatanze umuburo ugira uti “mutekereze ukuntu akariro gake cyane gashobora gutwika ishyamba rinini cyane! Ururimi na rwo ni umuriro” (Yakobo 3:5, 6). Iyo abashakanye bananiwe kurinda ururimi rwabo, utuntu duto batumvikanaho dushobora kubyara amakimbirane akomeye. Kandi iyo mu ngo hahoramo intonganya, nta rukundo rushobora kuharangwa.

Ese aho kugira ngo wihorere, ntiwakwigana Yesu, we watukwaga ‘ntasubize’ (1 Petero 2:23)? Kwemera igitekerezo cy’uwo mwashakanye no kumusaba imbabazi kubera uruhare wabigizemo, ni byo bihosha ayo makimbirane vuba.

‘Ese naba ntita ku byiyumvo by’uwo twashakanye cyangwa nkabipfobya?’

Ijambo ry’Imana ritanga inama igira iti “mwese muhuze ibitekerezo, mujye mwishyira mu mwanya w’abandi” (1 Petero 3:8). Dore impamvu ebyiri zishobora gutuma gushyira iyo nama mu bikorwa bikugora. Iya mbere, ni uko ushobora kutamenya ibitekerezo cyangwa ibyiyumvo by’uwo mwashakanye. Urugero, niba hari ibibazo bikunda guhangayikisha uwo mwashakanye kukurusha, ushobora kumva wamubwira uti “ariko nawe urakabya!” Ushobora kuba ufite intego yo kumufasha kubona icyo kibazo mu buryo bushyize mu gaciro. Nyamara, abantu bahumurizwa na bene ayo magambo ni bake cyane. Yaba umugore cyangwa umugabo, buri wese aba akeneye kumenya ko  uwo akunda amwumva kandi ko yishyira mu mwanya we.

Ubwibone na bwo bushobora gutuma umuntu adaha agaciro ibitekerezo n’ibyiyumvo by’uwo bashakanye. Umuntu w’umwibone agerageza kwishyira hejuru binyuriye mu guhora asuzugura abandi. Ashobora kubikora yita mugenzi we amazina y’amahimbano asesereza cyangwa amugereranya n’abandi mu buryo budakwiriye. Tekereza ku rugero rw’Abafarisayo n’abanditsi bo mu gihe cya Yesu. Umuntu uwo ari we wese wagaragazaga igitekerezo kinyuranye n’icy’abo bibone, ndetse n’iyo yabaga ari Umufarisayo mugenzi wabo, bamwitaga amazina bagamije kumusebya cyangwa kumutesha agaciro (Yohana 7:45-52). Yesu yari atandukanye na bo. Iyo abantu bamugezagaho ibitekerezo byabo, yishyiraga mu mwanya wabo.—Matayo 20:29-34; Mariko 5:25-34.

Tekereza uko witwara iyo uwo mwashakanye akugejejeho ibitekerezo bye cyangwa ibimuhangayikishije. Ese amagambo yawe, ijwi ryawe cyangwa mu maso hawe, bigaragaza ko wishyira mu mwanya we? Cyangwa wihutira gusa naho upfukiranye ibyiyumvo by’uwo mwashakanye?

‘Ese iyo uwo twashakanye agize icyo akora, buri gihe ntekereza ko bitewe n’ubwikunde?’

Satani yabwiye Imana ati “ariko se ugira ngo Yobu yubahira Imana ubusa? Ntiwagiye umurinda we n’inzu ye n’ibyo atunze byose?” (Yobu 1:9, 10). Ayo magambo agaragaza ko Satani yashidikanyije ku mpamvu zatumaga Yobu wari umuntu wizerwa akorera Imana.

Abashakanye batabaye maso, na bo bashobora kugwa muri uwo mutego. Urugero; ese iyo uwo mwashakanye agukoreye ikintu cyiza, utangira kwibaza niba hari icyo ashaka ko umukorera cyangwa ko hari ikosa ashaka guhishira? Ese iyo uwo mwashakanye akoze ikosa, ubona ko ari ikimenyetso kigaragaza ko yikunda kandi ko atita ku bantu? Ese uhita uryongera ku yandi makosa wibuka asa n’ayo yakoze mu gihe cyahise?

Intumwa Pawulo yaranditse ati “urukundo . . . ntirubika inzika y’inabi rwagiriwe” (1 Abakorinto 13:4, 5). Urukundo nyarukundo si impumyi ku buryo rutabona amakosa. Ariko nanone, ntirubika inzika. Nanone Pawulo yavuze ko urukundo “rwizera byose” (1 Abakorinto 13:7). Ibyo ariko ntibishaka kuvuga ko urukundo rwizera ikivuzwe cyose. Ahubwo ruba rwiteguye kwiringira ikivuzwe. Urwo rukundo ntirukeka abantu amababa cyangwa ngo rubishishe. Urukundo Bibiliya idutera inkunga yo kugaragaza, ni rwa rundi ruba rwiteguye kubabarira abandi no kubavaniraho ingingimira zose baba bafite (Zaburi 86:5; Abefeso 4:32). Abashakanye nibagaragarizanya urukundo nk’urwo, bazagira ibyishimo mu rugo rwabo.